Why the Holidays Can Bring Up More Than Joy
As Thanksgiving approaches, many people feel a quiet mix of anticipation and anxiety. Being around family can bring warmth and connection — but it can also activate old roles, unspoken expectations, and emotional reflexes you haven’t felt in years.
If you’ve ever found yourself slipping back into childhood patterns, feeling overstimulated at the dinner table, or carrying the emotional labor of keeping everyone comfortable, you’re not alone. Holidays tend to stir what our nervous systems remember, not just what we intend.
And here’s the most important reminder:
Self-care isn’t something you squeeze in after the holiday. It’s something you practice before, so your body feels grounded enough to stay connected to yourself while you’re with others.
Preparing Your Nervous System Before You See Family
Even brief visits can activate deeply conditioned responses — fawning, freezing, perfectionism, overfunctioning, or emotional shutdown. Preparing ahead of time helps you enter family spaces with more regulation, more clarity, and more agency.
Try These Supportive Practices Before Heading Into Family Time
Set an intention
Choose something simple and grounding, like:
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“I will check in with my body every few hours.”
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“I will honor my needs, even if no one else notices.”
Plan micro-moments of regulation
Nervous system support doesn’t require long breaks. Try:
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A walk outside
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A few minutes alone in the car
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A bathroom pause to breathe
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A moment to stretch, shake out your hands, or soften your jaw
Choose one boundary to honor
Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic to be effective. Consider:
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Time limits
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Limiting emotional labor
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Avoiding certain topics
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Choosing not to drink
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Saying no to fixing, smoothing, or placating
Prepare exits from triggering conversations
Simple phrases can help you redirect without conflict:
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“I don’t want to discuss this today.”
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“Let’s talk about something else.”
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“I’m going to grab some fresh air.”
Bring comfort items
A grounding object, journal, tea, fidget tool, or headphones can help your body return to a sense of safety.
You’re allowed to take care of yourself — even when family systems don’t understand the language of self-care.
When Gratitude Feels Forced: Understanding the Difference Between Healthy Gratitude and Toxic Positivity
Thanksgiving often brings pressure to “be grateful,” even when life feels heavy or complicated. But real gratitude is not about forcing yourself to feel thankful or pretending everything is fine.
Toxic positivity says:
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“Just focus on the good.”
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“You should be grateful.”
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“It could be worse.”
This shuts down emotional truth and creates shame around having real, human feelings.
Healthy gratitude says:
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“I can hold gratitude and grief at the same time.”
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“I’m thankful for small things even while I’m struggling.”
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“Gratitude doesn’t erase what’s been hard.”
Real gratitude creates space.
Toxic positivity closes it.
Practicing Gratitude That Honors Your Whole Self
This week, try practicing gratitude that doesn’t bypass your emotions, but includes them:
Notice one moment of ease
A warm drink, a breath of fresh air, a few seconds of quiet.
Appreciate your resilience — without minimizing your pain
You can acknowledge your strength and your struggle.
Name what’s still hard — without judgment
Emotional honesty supports regulation more than forced cheerfulness.
Let gratitude coexist with the feelings you’d rather avoid
You don’t have to be grateful for everything to be grateful for something.
When Holidays Activate Old Patterns
Family gatherings can trigger:
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nervous system dysregulation
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fawning and people-pleasing
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boundary guilt
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emotional exhaustion
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grief or ambivalence
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resurfacing trauma responses
This doesn’t mean you’re “regressing.” It means your body remembers. Awareness, preparation, and support can help you stay connected to yourself, even in familiar but activating environments.
You Don’t Have to Navigate Holiday Stress Alone
If this season brings up stress, guilt, tension, or overwhelm, therapy can offer grounding, clarity, and emotional support.
At Holistic Psychotherapy NYC, our associate therapists help clients:
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create boundaries that feel doable
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manage family triggers with compassion
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regulate the nervous system before and after gatherings
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practice healthy gratitude (not pressure or toxic positivity)
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stay connected to themselves in emotionally complex environments
Get started today.
