Feeling Exhausted but Unable to Rest
Have you ever felt exhausted but unable to sleep? Calm one moment, then suddenly overwhelmed? Maybe you’re constantly wired, tired, and unsure why everything feels too much.
It’s probably because your nervous system is dysregulated from chronic overstimulation.
As a therapist, I often see clients who describe this feeling: living in a body that won’t slow down even when the mind wants to. Understanding this isn’t just about managing stress—it’s about learning how the body and brain communicate safety and connection.
In recent years, “nervous system regulation” has moved from neuroscience labs into therapy rooms—and for good reason. Understanding how our bodies respond to modern life is one of the most powerful ways to improve mental, emotional, and physical health.
Let’s explore what dysregulation really means, why so many of us live in it without realizing, and how healing begins—one breath, one boundary, one nervous system at a time.
How Modern Life Keeps Us Stuck in Survival Mode
For most of human history, stress came in short bursts—a predator, a storm, a fleeting danger. Once the threat passed, our bodies reset.
Today, the stress never stops: emails, deadlines, notifications, financial strain, social media, breaking news. Our nervous systems interpret these as ongoing threats, activating “fight or flight” repeatedly without recovery.
This constant activation, called allostatic load, wears down both body and mind. It’s why we feel burnt out, anxious, or perpetually “on.” Simply put, our brains haven’t evolved fast enough for the digital age.
The Dopamine Loop: How Technology Rewires Attention
Instead of focusing on one task, we now multitask constantly—replying to messages mid-meeting, scrolling between news and emails. Each notification triggers a hit of dopamine, keeping us hooked, overstimulated, and exhausted.
We’re not just consuming information; we’re being consumed by it. The result is overstimulation without restoration—a body that’s alert but fatigued, and a mind that’s full but unfocused.
In therapy, I often explore with clients how technology mirrors emotional patterns: the pull to stay “connected” even when it drains us, the discomfort of stillness, or the fear of missing out. Naming these patterns helps us reclaim attention and restore agency over our nervous systems.
The Productivity Trap and the Myth of Worth
Beyond screens, another modern stressor fuels dysregulation: the obsession with productivity.
We live in a world that equates rest with laziness and busyness with worth. The harder we push, the less we achieve. Our focus blurs, creativity drops, and burnout takes over.
In chasing success, we’ve forgotten how to slow down. The nervous system doesn’t thrive on constant output—it thrives on rhythm, cycles of expansion and rest.
Economic pressure, social comparison, and online perfectionism compound the strain. Financial stress, global instability, and information overload keep our nervous systems on high alert. We’ve built a culture where constant stress is normalized—but our bodies were never meant to live this way.
Meta-Stress: When We Stress About Stress
Modern connectivity doesn’t just create stress—it creates meta-stress, or stress about being stressed. Researchers describe this as a recursive loop: we notice our anxiety, then feel anxious about that anxiety.
You might scroll through upsetting news, feel uneasy, then criticize yourself for “overreacting.” This compounds the original stress response, keeping your body in a heightened state even after the stressor is gone.
Meta-stress leads to anxiety, fatigue, and emotional burnout—a physiological state of constant alertness that feels impossible to escape.
In therapy, we work on interrupting this loop through mindfulness and somatic grounding, helping the body register that safety is possible again.
How Chronic Stress Dysregulates the Nervous System
When stress becomes chronic, the nervous system loses flexibility. Some people live in fight or flight—anxious, tense, hypervigilant. Others slip into freeze—numb, fatigued, detached.
Both are signs of dysregulation and both reflect a system running on overdrive too long without rest.
Key Markers of Nervous System Health
-
Heart Rate Variability (HRV): Higher HRV means greater adaptability. Practices like breathwork, meditation, and grounding increase HRV and resilience.
-
Cortisol Rhythm: Cortisol, our primary stress hormone, should rise in the morning and fall at night. Chronic stress and late-night scrolling flatten this curve, leaving us wired at night and sluggish by day.
Steps Toward Nervous System Regulation
Regulating your nervous system isn’t about removing stress—it’s about restoring rhythm by helping your body feel safe enough to relax.
Small daily practices make a difference:
1. Create Tech Boundaries
Turn off notifications, schedule screen-free windows, and be intentional with digital connection.
2. Prioritize Sleep
Treat rest as essential, not optional. A consistent sleep routine repairs both brain and body.
3. Ground in the Body
Use somatic tools like deep breathing, gentle stretching, or sensory grounding to anchor presence.
4. Connect Safely
Co-regulation—safe, attuned connection with others—is one of the most powerful ways to calm the nervous system.
5. Redefine Productivity
Rest is not the opposite of achievement; it’s what makes it sustainable.
Cultural Perspectives on Stress and Regulation
Stress and meta-stress look different across cultures. In collectivist societies, stress often stems from family or community expectations; in individualist cultures, it’s tied to performance and productivity.
Understanding these cultural differences helps therapists offer more culturally responsive care, integrating mindfulness, acceptance, and relational healing tailored to each client’s experience.
Healing Through Therapy and Connection
We live in a world that demands constant engagement, but our nervous systems crave rhythm, not overload. Learning to slow down, set boundaries, and regulate isn’t indulgent—it’s essential.
In therapy, we work together to help your body rediscover cues of safety and rest, using relational, somatic, and mindfulness-based approaches.
In a culture that glorifies doing more, perhaps the most radical act is learning to do less. Thriving isn’t about keeping up with the noise—it’s about listening to your body’s quiet call for calm.
If you’re feeling constantly “on,” struggling to rest, or noticing that your body doesn’t know how to slow down anymore, you’re not alone. At Holistic Psychotherapy NYC, our trauma-informed, relational, and somatic therapists help you reconnect with your body’s natural rhythm and rebuild a sense of calm. Through therapy for stress, burnout, and nervous system regulation, we’ll work together to help you feel grounded, present, and at ease again. Schedule a free consultation to begin restoring balance to your mind and body.
